10 Parenting Tips on How to Raise a Child With Autism

Raising a child with autism is a reality for many parents, and it presents a number of regular challenges. Yet there are a number of practical approaches which can assist on the journey of bringing up a child who is on the autism spectrum, although it must be stated immediately that no two autistic children are the same, and the benefits may vary or not be felt at all in some cases.

It is all about working with their environment and those who interact with your child to bring about positive changes. Here are some practical tips:

1. Don’t make comparisons

Not only is it futile, it will be upsetting for all concerned to make comparisons between your child and, say, his/her siblings who are not on the spectrum, or with peers who again are not on the autism spectrum.

Even comparing your child with other autistic children is futile as no two autistic children display exactly the same characteristics or react the same way to different challenges. Every child is unique, and although it can, at times, be a struggle, see your child’s development as his/her own unique journey on which you will play an integral role.

2. Help him/her recognize when they need a break

Help your child to understand when he/she is on the verge of getting frustrated and allow him/her to withdraw to a safe place he/she will not be sought out or judged. It is imperative an autistic child has this safety net in all situations.

3. Listen to him/her calmly and with an open mind

An autistic child will not do something if he/she doesn’t want to do it, perhaps even more so than any other child. Reasoning will be futile, so keep an open mind and try to understand his/her reasonings for resisting. Others may see this as too indulging, but these are different circumstances. Listen and understand as much as you can to get his/her perspective, and only then may you seek to intervene.

4. Help your child learn how to apply new skills to different situations

It can often be difficult for autistic children to apply skills in different contexts because those skills can be situational. Therefore, employ a patient approach to teaching those same skills in different circumstances, and in time your child will learn to adapt.

5. Keep an open mind

The fact is so much of what we see and do, and our perspective of it, is learned socially. Therefore, something we may consider to be ridiculous could, to another person with a different perspective, be anything but. By keeping this type of open mind and understanding many of our social habits are only that, you can learn to broaden your own horizons and embrace different approaches to seemingly normal things.

6. Maintain a sense of humor through all situations

As much as possible, keep a sense of humor. As previously stated, social habits, and what we consider to be acceptable or otherwise, are simply conditions we have put in place as a society and are not necessarily nature’s laws. An autistic child will often not immediately appreciate social norms have to be followed (and do they really, all the time?) so there will be plenty of occasions where laughter will be the best reaction.

7. Never underestimate how much he/she actually understands

Autistic children very often understand most, if not all, of what is going on around them. The difference is how they react to these conditions, and the level at which they can communicate.

8. Look into Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy

There are many therapeutic interventions for children on the autism spectrum, and applied behaviour analysis is one of the best known. Look into whether this can be accessed, but also understand it does not work for everybody. Be prepared to explore alternative methods too.

9. Work with the school, and be an advocate for your child’s needs

Schooling will play an essential role in your child’s development, as with any child. But of course there are added challenges involved here, and additional care and attention will be required. Ensure you and your child’s school are signing off on the same page as frequently as possible, and if you believe something is not the way it should be, be an advocate for your child and don’t stop until someone listens to you.

“Raising an autistic child takes a group effort, but ultimately yours should be the voice that is heard loudest,” advises Terri Mailer, an education writer at Brit student and Australia 2 write.

10. Take a break yourself, and seek support

Raising a child with autism will be an incredibly rewarding, yet at times, exhausting task. Acknowledge you cannot do it alone and you cannot go at it 24/7/365. Seek support wherever you can get it and take a break from time to time to ensure when you return you can give your very best to your child.

7 Parenting Tips to Help Your Autistic Kid Thrive

Tips for parenting an autistic child

Autism is a spectrum, which means it affects everyone differently. Each child has their own strengths and areas of development. There are various parenting strategies you can try, depending on your child’s support needs.

1. Build rapport.

Rapport is affinity. It’s familiarity and trust that includes two-way interaction, like communication or a change in behavior in response to another person’s presence.

When an educator or therapist works with a child, the first step is building rapport.

Increasing rapport with your child involves finding ways to share in their experiences, such as:

  • active listening: Active listening involves giving your child your undivided attention and noticing as much as you can about what they’re trying to communicate. You can gain useful insight by listening to behaviors as well as words.
  • child-led activities: Participating in activities that your child chooses sends a message that their interests matter and is a powerful rapport-building strategy.

Rapport means your child will be more willing to communicate with you, which makes supporting them easier.

2. Increase social awareness.

Theory of mind (ToM) is the skill that allows people to understand the different perspectives of others. ToM differences are common in autism.

If your child experiences ToM differences, this doesn’t mean they can’t learn what other people think or feel. However, if they don’t passively acquire this insight at the same rate as allistic (non-autistic) kids, they might need explanations about other people’s behavior.

Spending time talking about social encounters can increase ToM skills. Asking your child how they felt or what they thought about interactions with their peers can create teachable moments where you explain behaviors that they may have misunderstood.

3. Examine communication.

It’s ironic that autistic kids with advanced vocabularies would benefit from support with communication. However, there are a few areas in which your child might benefit from coaching, such as:

  • pragmatic language. This is social communication, including taking turns while speaking and listening appropriately while the other person is talking.
  • expressive language. Outgoing communication, both written and spoken, is expressive language. Nonverbal communications, like gestures, are part of expressive language.
  • receptive language. Incoming communication, including reading and listening, is part of receptive language. It can be useful to check for comprehension by asking your child to repeat the things you’ve told them.

Effective communication impacts how your child interacts with the allistic world, so it’s a skill worth taking the time to improve.

4. Teach calming strategies.

Emotional dysregulation isn’t just a cause of disruptive outbursts. Research, including a 2020 study, also links it to anxiety in autistic people.

It’s important to remember that emotional outbursts are not a form of manipulation. Instead, your child is feeling overwhelmed and has temporarily lost their ability to regulate emotion.

Observing and identifying triggers or warning signs enables you to intervene before your child gets too upset. When you see signs of an impending outburst, redirecting with a calming activity can help:

  • “You look like you’re getting frustrated. Do you need to ask for a break?”
  • “I can see you’re clenching your fists. Do you want to try a breathing exercise?”

Choices can also help your child feel more in control, such as: “You look like you need a break. Do you want to go for a walk, or have something to eat?”

Research from 2017Trusted Source suggests that wearable technology like smartwatches can also be effective emotional regulation tools. The watches monitor the wearer’s internal cues like heart rate and respond with a calming intervention, such as soothing imagery or music.

5. Foster flexibility.

You may have discovered that prompting your child before an activity change makes the transition easier. This is because an unpredicted change can be anxiety-provoking for autistic people.

It’s usually easy to manage transitions at home because it’s a controlled environment. You can prompt your child with a 5- or 10-minute warning, and check in several times during that time frame. However, the outside world is not as accommodating.

One solution is to gradually fade transition prompts. Try a shorter notice with fewer check-ins to see how your child can handle it.

Another solution is to create a positive association with an unexpected change. Offer something in return for an unprompted transition, like extra iPad time later for turning off the TV now.

6. Increase autism awareness.

Increasing your child’s autism awareness begins with discussing their diagnosis.

They may have already felt different from their typically developing peers, so hearing the news that they’re autistic likely makes sense. Maybe they were diagnosed later in childhood or early in their teen years, so they knew about autism even before their own diagnosis.

Regardless of their path to diagnosis, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects of autism, such as special isolated skills (SIS). A 2014 study examining SISs in autism found repeat occurrences in several areas:

  • memory
  • reading
  • visuospatial
  • drawing
  • computation
  • music

Even if your child doesn’t have an SIS, there are other autistic strengths. For example, the preference for structure makes autistic people comfortable following rules.

Along with the emphasis on strengths comes the understanding that most people, autistic or otherwise, have areas where they can benefit from help. As your child learns more about autism, they’ll likely have questions that may inspire interesting and rapport-building conversations.

7. Network with other parents.

Sometimes the best advice comes from those who’ve been in your shoes. Networking with other parents in the autistic community can connect you to support and understanding that can make your role easier.

Your child’s pediatrician may have contact information for parent support groups in your area, or you can try searching online.