6 Things to Avoid When Raising an Autistic Child

You may hear parenting suggestions for what not to do with an autistic child. No two autistic children are the same, and you will come to learn what works best for you and them.

As you do, you may want to consider if you might need to modify your parenting style or natural preferences to meet your child’s needs. You may, for example, engage in so-called “helicopter parenting,” hands-off parenting, and permissive parenting with the best of intentions. But these and other parenting styles may end up making things more challenging.

Learn more about six parenting styles and why they may not be helpful when raising an autistic child. Aside from making day-to-day living a bit easier, choosing the right method can encourage your autistic child in a way that helps them to develop strengths and abilities.

Child cute little girl and mother holding hand together

Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parents hover over their children, watching and reacting to their every move. They leap in to help when a problem appears on the horizon, they intervene to smooth every path, and they insist on special treatment for their kids.

Helicopter parenting is less than ideal for any child, as it makes independence and self-determination especially difficult to achieve.

Parents or guardians of autistic children are prone to helicopter parenting because they worry that their autistic child will run into problems they can’t resolve on their own—and, of course, that’s perfectly possible.

But if helicopter parenting stunts the development of neurotypical children, imagine what it does for autistic children.1

When you step in to do their work, you’re denying your child the opportunity to understand what’s needed, experience the challenge of trying, enjoy the thrill of success, or gain the knowledge developed through the process of failure.

Competitive Parenting

Any parent or guardian who’s been part of a Mommy and Me group knows all about competitive parenting. Whose baby potty trained first? Said the first word? Is taking the most classes, learning to dance or sing, playing peewee soccer, or studying Chinese?

When you have an autistic child, it can be hard to avoid feeling that the child in your care is being left behind. But when you buy into competitive parenting, you are certain to develop a sense that the child in your care is not up to par and that you, as a parent, are probably to blame.

As you can imagine, the outcome is a feeling that neither you nor the child you are raising is good enough. The impact of such feelings on an autistic child may not be obvious, but they are real.

Hands-Off (Free-Range) Parenting

Some parents and guardians believe that their child should be allowed to follow their own pursuits and interests without parental interference. That works well for certain neurotypical children who are self-directed, self-motivated, and eager to interact with others. It’s not, however, a very good choice for an autistic child.

While every child certainly needs and deserves “down” time, autistic children really do need regular, focused parental engagement.2 That’s because, in most cases, autistic children need your help to actively learn to pretend, socialize, converse, ask questions, and investigate the world.

Without another person to help them build these critical skills, autistic children can become increasingly withdrawn and self-focused—and less capable or desirous of engaging in the wider world. They’ll also have less opportunity to build on their strengths and achieve their own potential.

Perfectionist (Tiger) Parenting

Yes, some children thrive with parents who absolutely insist upon straight A’s, top athletic performance, perfect grammar, and ideal table manners. Those children are unlikely to be autistic.

The reality is that autistic children, while they may have many strengths, may have a very tough time with many neurotypical childhood expectations. Their verbal skills may be compromised, so high grades and perfect grammar may not be achievable. They may have difficulty with physical coordination, making athletics particularly tough.

It’s important to have high expectations for your autistic child. Make those expectations too high, though, and you and the child in your care are in for unhealthy levels of stress.

Permissive Parenting

As the parent of an autistic child, you may feel that they should have no expectations placed on them outside of school or therapy. After all, it’s tough for autistic kids to function in school, and they deserve a break.

You may even feel it’s unreasonable to ask the child in your care to complete household tasks, learn to calm themselves, or control their behavior. The unfortunate result of this kind of “do whatever you want” parenting teaches a child to learn habits and behaviors that will create serious problems down the line.

Autism does make some things more difficult, but in almost every case autistic children can do a great deal if they are asked and encouraged to do so. When you set the bar low, or offer an autistic child too little discipline, you are actually making it more difficult for them to understand or live up to high expectations.

Understanding a child’s challenges is one thing; assuming a child to be incompetent is something very different and harmful.

Frenetic Parenting

Since they woke up this morning, an autistic preschooler has had five hours of behavioral therapy, an hour apiece of speech and physical therapy, two hours of parent-guided play therapy, and four hours of school.

As soon as the child falls into an exhausted sleep, you jump on the Internet to find yet another therapeutic class, program, activity, or resource to add to the schedule. With so much going on, the autistic child in your care has no opportunity to practice what they have learned, to actually meet and get to know another child, or to simply do what children do—play.

Rather than frantically searching for and engaging in therapies and activities, consider the possibility that a few hours a day of calm, unfocused parent or guardian-and-child time might be just the thing a child needs to grow and thrive.

10 Parenting Tips on How to Raise a Child With Autism

Raising a child with autism is a reality for many parents, and it presents a number of regular challenges. Yet there are a number of practical approaches which can assist on the journey of bringing up a child who is on the autism spectrum, although it must be stated immediately that no two autistic children are the same, and the benefits may vary or not be felt at all in some cases.

It is all about working with their environment and those who interact with your child to bring about positive changes. Here are some practical tips:

1. Don’t make comparisons

Not only is it futile, it will be upsetting for all concerned to make comparisons between your child and, say, his/her siblings who are not on the spectrum, or with peers who again are not on the autism spectrum.

Even comparing your child with other autistic children is futile as no two autistic children display exactly the same characteristics or react the same way to different challenges. Every child is unique, and although it can, at times, be a struggle, see your child’s development as his/her own unique journey on which you will play an integral role.

2. Help him/her recognize when they need a break

Help your child to understand when he/she is on the verge of getting frustrated and allow him/her to withdraw to a safe place he/she will not be sought out or judged. It is imperative an autistic child has this safety net in all situations.

3. Listen to him/her calmly and with an open mind

An autistic child will not do something if he/she doesn’t want to do it, perhaps even more so than any other child. Reasoning will be futile, so keep an open mind and try to understand his/her reasonings for resisting. Others may see this as too indulging, but these are different circumstances. Listen and understand as much as you can to get his/her perspective, and only then may you seek to intervene.

4. Help your child learn how to apply new skills to different situations

It can often be difficult for autistic children to apply skills in different contexts because those skills can be situational. Therefore, employ a patient approach to teaching those same skills in different circumstances, and in time your child will learn to adapt.

5. Keep an open mind

The fact is so much of what we see and do, and our perspective of it, is learned socially. Therefore, something we may consider to be ridiculous could, to another person with a different perspective, be anything but. By keeping this type of open mind and understanding many of our social habits are only that, you can learn to broaden your own horizons and embrace different approaches to seemingly normal things.

6. Maintain a sense of humor through all situations

As much as possible, keep a sense of humor. As previously stated, social habits, and what we consider to be acceptable or otherwise, are simply conditions we have put in place as a society and are not necessarily nature’s laws. An autistic child will often not immediately appreciate social norms have to be followed (and do they really, all the time?) so there will be plenty of occasions where laughter will be the best reaction.

7. Never underestimate how much he/she actually understands

Autistic children very often understand most, if not all, of what is going on around them. The difference is how they react to these conditions, and the level at which they can communicate.

8. Look into Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy

There are many therapeutic interventions for children on the autism spectrum, and applied behaviour analysis is one of the best known. Look into whether this can be accessed, but also understand it does not work for everybody. Be prepared to explore alternative methods too.

9. Work with the school, and be an advocate for your child’s needs

Schooling will play an essential role in your child’s development, as with any child. But of course there are added challenges involved here, and additional care and attention will be required. Ensure you and your child’s school are signing off on the same page as frequently as possible, and if you believe something is not the way it should be, be an advocate for your child and don’t stop until someone listens to you.

“Raising an autistic child takes a group effort, but ultimately yours should be the voice that is heard loudest,” advises Terri Mailer, an education writer at Brit student and Australia 2 write.

10. Take a break yourself, and seek support

Raising a child with autism will be an incredibly rewarding, yet at times, exhausting task. Acknowledge you cannot do it alone and you cannot go at it 24/7/365. Seek support wherever you can get it and take a break from time to time to ensure when you return you can give your very best to your child.

7 Parenting Tips to Help Your Autistic Kid Thrive

Tips for parenting an autistic child

Autism is a spectrum, which means it affects everyone differently. Each child has their own strengths and areas of development. There are various parenting strategies you can try, depending on your child’s support needs.

1. Build rapport.

Rapport is affinity. It’s familiarity and trust that includes two-way interaction, like communication or a change in behavior in response to another person’s presence.

When an educator or therapist works with a child, the first step is building rapport.

Increasing rapport with your child involves finding ways to share in their experiences, such as:

  • active listening: Active listening involves giving your child your undivided attention and noticing as much as you can about what they’re trying to communicate. You can gain useful insight by listening to behaviors as well as words.
  • child-led activities: Participating in activities that your child chooses sends a message that their interests matter and is a powerful rapport-building strategy.

Rapport means your child will be more willing to communicate with you, which makes supporting them easier.

2. Increase social awareness.

Theory of mind (ToM) is the skill that allows people to understand the different perspectives of others. ToM differences are common in autism.

If your child experiences ToM differences, this doesn’t mean they can’t learn what other people think or feel. However, if they don’t passively acquire this insight at the same rate as allistic (non-autistic) kids, they might need explanations about other people’s behavior.

Spending time talking about social encounters can increase ToM skills. Asking your child how they felt or what they thought about interactions with their peers can create teachable moments where you explain behaviors that they may have misunderstood.

3. Examine communication.

It’s ironic that autistic kids with advanced vocabularies would benefit from support with communication. However, there are a few areas in which your child might benefit from coaching, such as:

  • pragmatic language. This is social communication, including taking turns while speaking and listening appropriately while the other person is talking.
  • expressive language. Outgoing communication, both written and spoken, is expressive language. Nonverbal communications, like gestures, are part of expressive language.
  • receptive language. Incoming communication, including reading and listening, is part of receptive language. It can be useful to check for comprehension by asking your child to repeat the things you’ve told them.

Effective communication impacts how your child interacts with the allistic world, so it’s a skill worth taking the time to improve.

4. Teach calming strategies.

Emotional dysregulation isn’t just a cause of disruptive outbursts. Research, including a 2020 study, also links it to anxiety in autistic people.

It’s important to remember that emotional outbursts are not a form of manipulation. Instead, your child is feeling overwhelmed and has temporarily lost their ability to regulate emotion.

Observing and identifying triggers or warning signs enables you to intervene before your child gets too upset. When you see signs of an impending outburst, redirecting with a calming activity can help:

  • “You look like you’re getting frustrated. Do you need to ask for a break?”
  • “I can see you’re clenching your fists. Do you want to try a breathing exercise?”

Choices can also help your child feel more in control, such as: “You look like you need a break. Do you want to go for a walk, or have something to eat?”

Research from 2017Trusted Source suggests that wearable technology like smartwatches can also be effective emotional regulation tools. The watches monitor the wearer’s internal cues like heart rate and respond with a calming intervention, such as soothing imagery or music.

5. Foster flexibility.

You may have discovered that prompting your child before an activity change makes the transition easier. This is because an unpredicted change can be anxiety-provoking for autistic people.

It’s usually easy to manage transitions at home because it’s a controlled environment. You can prompt your child with a 5- or 10-minute warning, and check in several times during that time frame. However, the outside world is not as accommodating.

One solution is to gradually fade transition prompts. Try a shorter notice with fewer check-ins to see how your child can handle it.

Another solution is to create a positive association with an unexpected change. Offer something in return for an unprompted transition, like extra iPad time later for turning off the TV now.

6. Increase autism awareness.

Increasing your child’s autism awareness begins with discussing their diagnosis.

They may have already felt different from their typically developing peers, so hearing the news that they’re autistic likely makes sense. Maybe they were diagnosed later in childhood or early in their teen years, so they knew about autism even before their own diagnosis.

Regardless of their path to diagnosis, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects of autism, such as special isolated skills (SIS). A 2014 study examining SISs in autism found repeat occurrences in several areas:

  • memory
  • reading
  • visuospatial
  • drawing
  • computation
  • music

Even if your child doesn’t have an SIS, there are other autistic strengths. For example, the preference for structure makes autistic people comfortable following rules.

Along with the emphasis on strengths comes the understanding that most people, autistic or otherwise, have areas where they can benefit from help. As your child learns more about autism, they’ll likely have questions that may inspire interesting and rapport-building conversations.

7. Network with other parents.

Sometimes the best advice comes from those who’ve been in your shoes. Networking with other parents in the autistic community can connect you to support and understanding that can make your role easier.

Your child’s pediatrician may have contact information for parent support groups in your area, or you can try searching online.

5 Things Every Parent Should Know When Raising an Autistic Child

Parenting an autistic child can feel overwhelming at times. Parents want to do their best for their children, but it can be hard to sort out what should be prioritized over something else. You can’t do it all – so what should you focus on? My two autistic children are now adults, and I can look back over the years and see what were the most important things to concentrate on that made the difference in our lives. I realize this may not be everyone’s list, but I think these topics give a good foundation on which to build and provide support throughout a person’s lifespan.

In everything that I do, I keep at the forefront of my mind autistic neurology. The autistic brain thinks in an absolute way rather than a relative way. My Belgian colleague, Peter Vermeulen, explains this well in his blog Tennis, the predictive mind and autism. American psychologist Dr. Ross Greene says, “Children do well if they can.” If they can’t, they may be missing a prerequisite skill, not know how to start the task, don’t understand the language, or don’t see the steps in the task.

Some other things to also think about:

  • No autistic person will present the same way as each is an individual.
  • Information is changing all of the time so don’t beat yourself up for things you did in the past.
  • Be prepared to let go of assumptions or things that don’t work.
  • One strategy doesn’t fit all nor will it work every time.
  • It can take time for something to work.
  • You may not see the fruits of your labor right away, but you are building a foundation.
  • Success is often small.
  • Expect developmental plateaus. If you plot development on a graph, it will look jagged.
  • Be able to adapt as needs and situations change.
  • It’s all about relationships, respect and trust. Without these, a person can’t experience happiness and well-being.

Focus on Strengths

So often, an autistic person is described in terms of what they can’t do or where they place among their non-autistic peers. Try to reframe this by thinking about a person’s strengths and the positive qualities of autism. Some of these can be:

  • Visual learners rather than auditory learners
  • Excellent long-term memory
  • Detail focused which can transfer into in-depth knowledge way beyond the school curriculum
  • They are kinesthetic learners and learn by doing
  • Integrity – honest, loyal and committed
  • Approach things methodically –  thought processes are analytical; can spot patterns and repetitions
  • Deep Focus – concentration level can be very focused, allowing for freedom from distraction

The 5 Things Every Parent Should Know

1.  The Need for Predictability

Why is predictability so important? It is because predictability:

  • lessens anxiety.
  • reduces the fear over changes in the day or routine.
  • helps with transitions (25% of the school day involves transitions).
  • provides a clear beginning, middle and end to an event/activity.
  • supports independence.
  • supports communication.

Remember – the autistic brain thinks in an absolute way rather than a relative one so having a predictable environment and day will help a person feel calmer and function better. This is true for most people! Novelty and constant change are stressful as they require adaptation, thinking and planning.

Predictability is created by using visual supports, having established routines, breaking down the steps to a task, and having a structured environment and activities.

2. Use Visual Supports

Visual information is fixed and permanent, providing consistency and predictability. While the types of visual supports  may change as a person matures, the need for them will always be there. The adults who are providing support also communicate more clearly when using visuals.

We use visual supports because:

  • autistic people are stronger visual than auditory learners.
  • they provide predictability/consistency which lessens anxiety.
  • improve understanding.
  • provide structure and routine.
  • build confidence.
  • provide opportunities for interaction.

Visual supports take a variety of forms such as:

  • tactile symbols/objects of reference
  • photographs
  • short videos
  • miniatures of real objects
  • coloured pictures
  • line drawings
  • symbols
  • written words

Use visuals to create schedules that can be daily, weekly or monthly. You can use visual schedules to teach the skill of making a choice like what to do during recess. I used visual schedules to teach flexibility by adding the word “surprise” occasionally to show my children that unpredictable things can happen and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Schedules can be a great way to show the passage of time throughout the day. When a task/activity has passed, take it off the schedule and put it in an envelope, signaling that the time has passed and the task is over. You can also see what’s going to happen next which lessens anxiety by creating predictability. Visual schedules create greater independence because a person can see structure, knows the expectations, and can see what to do next.

As the late Barbara Bloomfield, SLP, said, “True independence implies being able to set up visual supports of your own as you need them. Making lists, keeping track of appointments and visually organizing one’s living spaces and possessions are all self-prompting strategies that can be taught in small steps beginning at the pre-school level.”

3. Understanding and Supporting Sensory Needs

Dr. Jean Ayres, occupational therapist, first identified sensory processing difficulties in the 1970’s. Sensory processing involves 7 sensory systems. Dr. Ayres added two additional internal senses to the traditional 5 of hearing, sight, touch, taste and smell – proprioception (body awareness) and vestibular (movement/balance). More recently added to this list is interoception – the 8th sensory system.

A person may be over- or under-responsive to sensory input; activity level may be either unusually high or unusually low; a person may be in constant motion or tire easily. Some people may fluctuate between these extremes. When sensory systems are regulated, a person will feel calm, in control, and able to interpret sensory stimuli. When sensory systems get overloaded and out of balance, behaviors of concern may happen. A person may feel overwhelmed, distracted, impulsive, show signs of distress, become aggressive, withdraw or shut down.

Every autistic person will have a unique sensory profile so there is no one size fits all solution to helping with sensory processing difficulties. Observational checklists can be used to gather information about a person’s sensory profile. Sensory checklists will provide the framework for recognizing when sensory processing difficulties are occurring.

Once a sensory profile is known, a sensory diet can be created. This is an individualized plan of physical activities and accommodations to help a person meet their sensory needs. This plan provides the sensory input needed to stay focused and organized throughout the day. It can also be used to help with recovery after overload and plays an integral part in calming strategies.

There are many activities that can help with sensory regulation which support a child’s development. Gardening, making toys, outdoor play, physical movement, performing household chores, and practicing yoga can address and fulfill sensory needs.

Engaging individuals in sensory experiences on a regular schedule can support focus, attentiveness, and interaction. A person may feel less anxious when they feel comfortable and in control. Alone-time is also necessary for recovery, reducing overload, and supporting wellbeing. The world can be a busy, confusing, and overwhelming place. Time to retreat will leave an autistic person better able to focus, learn, engage, and regulate.

4. Understanding and Building Interoceptive Awareness

Learning about interoception from OT Kelly Mahler completely changed my understanding of my children and why things like not knowing if they are thirsty or need to go to the bathroom happened. I used to think it was a failing on my part…but then I heard about interoception. The ability to recognize, understand and interpret emotions and feelings comes through the sensory system’s eighth sense – interoception. It is the foundation from where all other senses are processed and helps us to regulate the body’s needs.

What exactly is interoception? Muscles and joints have receptors that tell you where your body parts are. Interoception works much the same way, but the receptors are in your organs including your skin. These receptors send messages about the body to the brain, helping to regulate vital functions such as hunger, thirst, digestion, or heart rate.

Understanding these bodily feelings can help with interpretation of what’s going on inside the body. If your bladder is full, you need to urinate. If your heart is beating fast, you may be anxious and need to take a few deep breathes to slow it down.

Interoception also affects the interpretation of emotions. Emotions may not be “felt”. If you can’t tune in to the body cues that help interpret emotion, it is harder to identify the emotion. It’s important to understand this aspect, because not feeling emotions affects a person’s behavior. For example, a person may not recognize fear because they don’t perceive that tense muscles, shallow breathing and a racing heart mean fear. Interoceptive challenges also affect the ability to self-regulate. Self-regulation is the ability to manage our emotions.

5. Taking Care of the Caregiver

When my children were young, I never thought about my own needs nor did I think they were important until I had a nervous breakdown. While taking care of others we have to take care of ourselves too, otherwise we burn out. When taking a flight, we are always told to put our own oxygen mask on first before helping others.

I found it has helped to accept what I can’t control such as:

  • my children’s development.
  • hitting developmental plateaus.
  • the attitude of others towards my children.
  • how others react to my children.
  • predicting what will happen next.
  • things unfolding exactly as I planned.

I try and focus on the things that I can control:

  • eating healthy, taking care of myself.
  • exercising to help manage stress and anxiety.
  • finding interesting and fun things to do for myself such as figure skating.
  • treating myself to little things – flowers, coffee, a bubble bath, a good book.
  • my attitude and response.
  • my kindness towards others.

Positive thinking and actions can go a long way in support mental health. Think about:

  • having things to look forward to.
  • keeping connected with people.
  • moving a little everyday.
  • spending a little time outdoors.
  • finding a space for yourself to retreat to even if it is just for a few minutes.
  • developing your own interests and passions.

Knowing these 5 things has been enormously helpful to me and has allowed me to move beyond just surviving each day. While it took time to learn about these topics and develop materials and strategies around them, the effort was worth it to have my children experience success in adulthood. They are happy and healthy people, enjoying activities that support their interests. Our lives are always evolving and changing, but I feel confident that I have the tools and ability to go with the flow and face new challenges.

Choosing The Best Parenting Style For Your Child

One of the greatest challenges parents face when trying to cultivate a parenting style is adapting standard methods to suit the unique traits of their child. Though a consistent, balanced approach to parenting works most of the time, some children invariably require more (or less) discipline and guidance than others. Rules that are sensible when applied to a neurotypical child may be overly restrictive when applied to a gifted child, for instance, whereas kids with ADHD, Autism, or delayed development often need more structure than average.

Even if you have solid, logical ideas about how you’ll ensure your child feels loved and accepted while you maintain firm limits, it can be difficult to stay on track when confronted with unexpected obstacles. Understanding the four major parenting styles can help you adjust your parenting methods as needed without compromising trust, fairness, or consistency.

The 4 Parenting Styles: What They Are and How to Use Them

According to research conducted in the latter half of the 20th century, there are four main parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and distant. Authoritative (also known as balanced) parenting is widely regarded as the most effective style because it provides kids with both security and support. However, incorporating permissive or authoritarian elements into a balanced approach can be useful when parenting a child with atypical needs.

Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parents seek to combine an attitude of warmth and accessibility with moderate, reasonable discipline. These parents explain why their chosen rules and limits exist and remain open to discussing the relative fairness of consequences when appropriate. However, once rules and consequences have been established, authoritative parents remain firm, calm, and consistent when applying them.

The authoritative style strives to keep kids safe and teach them socially appropriate behaviours, without resorting to unnecessary strictness or pressure. By providing frequent explanations and keeping their expectations realistic, authoritative parents give their children both the information and the space they need to learn independent decision-making skills.

Though authoritative parents are caring, they don’t protect their children from their own mistakes. Authoritative parenting gives kids room to “mess up” within safe limits, while still expecting them to take responsibility for their actions. This allows children to experience setbacks naturally and learn from their errors.

Research supports the notion that this type of parenting encourages better self-regulation. Children raised in balanced households show lower rates of problematic and risk-taking behaviours. They also tend to do well in school, even though authoritative parents do not push for academic perfection with the same vigour as authoritarian parents.

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents favour a traditionally strict approach to child-rearing. They position themselves as figures of absolute authority and do not feel the need to explain their rules or decisions. They also tend to expect a lot from their children, both socially and academically, and may use harsh consequences to reinforce good behaviour.

Authoritarian parenting is sometimes associated with improved academic performance, but it also has a high potential to backfire. Kids raised in overly strict households are more likely to rebel and engage in risky behaviours, like substance abuse, reckless driving, and unsafe sex. Even complaint children who appear to flourish with strong leadership can be undermined by authoritarian parenting: Authoritarian parents are so overprotective that they often deprive their children of the opportunity to make their own choices. When their kids become adults, they therefore find themselves ill prepared for independence.

Many of the pitfalls of authoritarian parenting arise when this parenting style isn’t backed by sufficient warmth and compassion. When authoritarian parents are also distant, aggressive, or unapproachable, they compromise the very sense of safety that firm boundaries are supposed to create. Their children may then act out for attention or become “people pleasers,” unable to set their own boundaries or express their needs. To be effective, authoritarian parenting must be counterbalanced with unconditional love. Discipline, even if strict, should be delivered in a calm, compassionate way.

Working elements of authoritarian parenting into your parenting style may be helpful if your child has a developmental disorder, particularly Autism. Autistic kids benefit from rigidly structured environments and may become confused by the verbose explanations incorporated into authoritative parenting. Though research into parenting styles for neurodivergent kids is still sparse, some studies have shown that Autistic kids benefit from heightened obedience expectations and simple, direct communication. Children with ADHD are also sometimes better served by this communication style due to their issues with verbal processing.

Like neurotypical kids, neurodivergent kids require parental warmth and acceptance in order to thrive. When pursuing a more authoritarian style, it’s always essential to balance clarity with affection. You should also respect your child’s preferences where possible and appropriate, as this will build independent decision-making skills.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents are extremely lenient, sometimes to the point of eschewing rules altogether. These parents aren’t neglectful (on the contrary, they tend to be loving and communicative), but they operate with the belief that adequately loved children will naturally moderate their own behaviour.

Though it’s true that a close parent-child bond encourages good conduct, permissive parenting is not without its downsides. Children raised in permissive households often feel unsafe or insecure because they don’t have any boundaries to define their environment or their experiences within it. These children often end up leaning towards extremes: They either become impulsive, defiant, and daring in their attempts to learn the limits of safe behaviour, or they become hyper-responsible (and thus afraid to make any mistakes).

In its purest form, permissive parenting doesn’t work, simply because all children need rules and guidance. However, incorporating some aspects of permissive parenting into your parenting style may be useful if your child is intellectually or emotionally gifted. Though gifted children need firm boundaries, they also benefit from having the freedom to pursue their own interests and express themselves. In some areas, they may also develop more quickly than other children and therefore require adjusted limits that reflect their level of maturity. Finally, these sensitive children often need additional reassurance and nurturing.

Distant Parenting

Distant parents are lenient without displaying the accessibility of permissive parents. They prefer to let their children essentially parent themselves, only intervening when they feel like their child is directly in danger. These parents aren’t necessarily uncaring; sometimes, they genuinely believe their child is so independent that she (or he) doesn’t “need” much guidance. In other cases, distant parents are so preoccupied with their obligations outside the home that they become distant inadvertently.

Unfortunately, regardless of the parent’s intentions, distant parenting is almost always harmful. Children raised in this manner are prone to behavioural, emotional, and social problems; they also tend to perform poorly at school. This parenting style should be avoided, regardless of how mature or intelligent a child appears to be.

Choosing the right parenting style (or blend of styles) can be confusing, especially if your child is young and you’re not yet aware of any special needs she might have. Most experts advise adopting an authoritative style and observing how your child responds. If behavioural problems arise or continue despite fair and consistent parenting, then you should consider having your child assessed by a mental health professional. Working with a family therapist can help you identify your child’s core traits and specific developmental needs. With that information, you’ll be able to accurately select the right blend of parenting styles to maximize your child’s unique potential.

Which Parenting Style Is Best for Autism?

Parenting is difficult, regardless of whether your children have autism or not. Parenting is hard either way. Yet, parents need to parent effectively to provide the best possible life for their children. With autism, parents are presented with a unique set of challenges. While there are many parenting styles to choose from, parents should ultimately choose one that suits their child’s needs. But there are also several things to consider: your cultural beliefs, religious background, financial situation, and your own personality and beliefs. Let’s take a look at some of the parenting styles that will work best for autistic children. 

Positive parenting

The aim of positive parenting is to reinforce and build a strong yet positive relationship between parent and child. With this parenting style, emotions, warmth, and affection are encouraged to reinforce the positive relationship. This is one of the best styles of parenting for parents who have autistic children. This is because it sets up trust and security. These are two aspects vital to the well-being of autistic children.  Part of positive parenting is also finding therapy services that work for your child. And you might find yourself looking for ABA services near me. 

Luckily, Lighthouse Autism Center is right on hand to help autistic children and their parents alike. They have multiple centers in the Midwest and offer ABA therapy. Positive parenting techniques include:

  • Praise: Highlight your child’s accomplishments positively.
  • The use of positive language: Encourage positive affirmations while avoiding negative language or even criticism. 
  • Clear boundaries.
  • Encourage your child to express themselves.
  • Allow your child to make their own choices where possible. 

Structured parenting

This style is based on a more routine approach. So, it focuses on predictability and consistency. This style works particularly well for autistic children since they can often feel stressed or anxious when their routines are thrown off balance. This parenting style also provides stability, which is vital in the development of an autistic child. Structured parenting techniques include:

  • Routine: Creating a visual of your child’s routine that they can view daily. Check out how to make your child’s visual schedule.
  • Task management: Breaking up tasks into manageable steps.
  • Communication: Communicating clearly and effectively.
  • Boundaries: Having clear boundaries that include consequences for behavior. 
  • Rewarding: Supplying a reward for positive behavior.  

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Collaborative parenting

Another great parenting style. Collaborative parenting involves an approach where parents and children work together to find solutions to everyday problems. This builds the child’s self-esteem. But not only that. With this parenting style, autistic children also build a sense of empowerment as it allows children to play an active role in their development and realize their strengths. Some of the techniques in this parenting style include:

  • Collaborating: Asking your child for their opinion or an idea on a subject.
  • Problem-solving: Allowing your child to create their own solutions to problems with your tips and guidance. 
  • Setting the tone: You, as the parent, are the example when it comes to positive communication and problem-solving skills.
  • Opinions: Allowing your child, within reason, to share their choices or opinions. 
  • Overcoming challenges: Looking at your child’s strengths and how they can be used to overcome obstacles.  

Adaptive parenting

This parenting style is one that allows you as the parent to encourage your child’s strengths and consistently work on them to improve them. Essentially, this parenting style adapts to the strengths and needs of your child. What this does for autistic children is allow them to build on their strengths and for parents to provide support on their challenges. Here are some of the techniques of this parenting style: 

  • Adjusting: Parents who have adopted this parenting style are the ones who then adjust their parenting style to fit their child’s needs.
  • Home updates: This parenting style also involves updates to your home. You will then modify your home to support your child’s sensory needs. For example, removing dark spaces if your child prefers brightly lit rooms. 
  • Interest: Find out which activities or interests your child enjoys, then consistently work on them.
  • Added resources: Seek help from professionals such as medical doctors, child psychologists, and even support groups too.
  • Accommodation: If your current home does not support your child’s needs, parents who use this parenting style will find suitable accommodations to assist their child.  

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Mindful parenting

This parenting style is all about the parent being present in their child’s life. It also includes parents taking the time and being patient with their children. This builds a strong connection between parent and child. This is because autistic children will feel more understood and accepted if their parents are more mindful. Some of the techniques of mindful parenting include:

  • Paying attention: For parents who adopt this parenting style, a large aspect is to be aware of their child’s body language and non-verbal cues.
  • Looking inward: Take a look at your emotions and how you react to situations. 
  • Empathy: Always practice empathy and also put yourself in your child’s shoes.
  • Being present: Avoid multitasking while spending time with your child. Also, be in the moment and remove distractions.
  • Open-minded: Always remain open-minded and remove any judgment towards your child. 

Importance of Public Awareness for Autism

The month of April usually marks the start of National Autism Awareness Month (NAAM). In this period, organisations and companies aim to spread awareness and promote acceptance of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) through starting campaigns, sharing resources and creating events.

Parents, caregivers and professionals who work closely with individuals with autism may be able understand the significance of public awareness. But some may ask “Why is there a need for us to know about autism?”

Have you heard of the saying, “Knowledge is power”? Here, I hope to share with you the importance and significance of autism awareness.

  • Perspective of parents and caregivers: Clears up misunderstandings and stereotypes

All too often, I’ll come across a sharing on social media by parents who have a child with autism experiencing misunderstandings from a member of the public. In this sharing, I recalled that the child had a sensory meltdown in public and a lady made comments such as “What an awful child? Who are his parents?”. These judgmental attitudes and comments stemming from ignorance can deeply upset individuals with autism and their family members.

Greater awareness will bring about better understanding. If the lady had read or seen something on autism, perhaps she would not have made those remarks. She would have understood that the reason the child was behaving in such a manner may not be due to poor discipline or teaching, but due to his senses being overwhelmed. Perhaps she would have acted differently and offered help to the family instead.

Public awareness clears up stereotypes and misunderstandings, and serves as a form of emotional support for parents and caregivers.

  • Perspective of individuals with autism: Increase early childhood screening and timely intervention

Early intervention is extremely crucial for individuals with autism. Research has shown that early intervention can improve children’s holistic development, decrease challenging behaviours, assist them in gaining essential social and communication skills, thus leading to positive outcomes later in life.

When public awareness is strong, individuals will be more well-informed on symptoms, earliest age of diagnosis, interventions or therapies that will be useful, etc. Note: this does not only apply to only autism of course, but also to other conditions (such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Global Developmental Delay, etc.). With access to reliable information, this increases the likelihood of early childhood screening, diagnosis and timely support and intervention. As such, individuals with autism will be able to receive support as early as possible, improving their transition to adulthood and when they step into society.

  • Perspective of public: Greater advocacy and acceptance

Members of the public can do their part to share and advocate. For example, if an employee is able to influence his colleagues and eventually advise his boss on hiring individuals with autism, he would have increased their chances of employment.

With greater advocacy amongst the public, we hope that it will lead to acceptance. After all, we are all different in our own ways.

Some might argue that a single individual may not be able to do much alone. That’s true too, but there is strength in numbers. For example, if an organisation is able to ensure public access to reliable information regarding autism and set an example by hiring or providing services for them, who knows what impact or influence it might have on other organisations?

With greater public awareness on autism, it can help not just individuals with autism, but also make lives easier for families and caregivers. In addition, we also enrich our society by accepting the wonderful differences that we all have. Let’s all do our part to spread greater awareness for these amazing individuals, and hopefully influencing others to make such a positive change too.

3 Early Signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Many children on the autism spectrum may show developmental differences during their infant and toddlers years, especially in social and language skills.

There may be some delays in spoken language or differences in how they interact with peers. However, children on the autism spectrum usually sit, crawl, and walk on time. So, the subtler differences in the development of gestures (pointing), pretend play and social language often go unnoticed by families and doctors.

Here is information from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) about three of the early signs of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) in young children.

Delay in or lack of joint attention

One of the most important developmental differences between children on the autism spectrum and children without ASD is a delay in or lack of joint attention. In fact, delays in joint attention skills are found in most children with ASD.

What is joint attention?

Joint attention is looking back and forth between an object or event and another person and connecting with that person. It is a building block for later social and communication skills. Engaging in many back-and-forth social interactions, such as exchanging a lot of emotional expressions, sounds and other gestures, is called reciprocal social interaction.

Stages of joint attention in babies & toddlers

There are several stages of joint attention. Children on the autism spectrum usually show delayed or absent social communication skills at every stage.

For example, below are ages when babies and toddlers toddlers typically use and understand gestures at the following times, compared with young children on the autism spectrum.

Using & understanding gestures such as pointing

  • By 12 months of age
    • Most children can immediately look in the direction of an object a parent is pointing at. They will then look back at the parent and mimic the parent’s expression, usually a smile.
    • Children on the autism spectrum may appear to ignore the parent. This can cause parents to worry about their child’s hearing.
  • By 15 months of age
    • Most children can point to out-of-reach objects that they want.
    • A child on the autism spectrum may instead take a parent’s hand and lead the parent to the object without making much, if any, eye contact. Sometimes the child may even place the parent’s hand onto the object itself.
  • By 18 months of age
    • Most children point at objects they find interesting. Children will look back and forth between an object and a parent to make sure the parent is tuned-in to what they are looking at.
    • Children on the autism disorder spectrum will often point to an object because they want a parent to get it for them, not because they want the parent to enjoy looking at the object with them.

Language delays & differences with ASD

Almost all children on the autism disorder spectrum show delays in nonverbal communication and spoken language. For example, you may notice differences such as:

The use of labels

A child on the autism spectrum may have words they use to label things, for example, but not to ask for things. They may use words for objects before using words for people or family members.

Echoing & repeating

Most young children go through a phase when they repeat what they hear. Children on the autism disorder spectrum may repeat what they hear for a longer period. They also may repeat dialogue from movies or conversations with the tone of voice they heard them in. This is called parroting or echoing.

Some children later diagnosed on the autism spectrum will seem to have met language milestones during the toddler years. However, their use of language may be unusual. For example, they may talk more like an adult than a toddler.

Regression in developmental milestones & skills

About 25% of children later diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder may develop some language that they suddenly or gradually stop using. Typically, this may happen between the ages of 15 and 24 months. They might also become more socially withdrawn. This change is called a regression in skills.

Screening toddlers for ASD

The AAP recommends that all children be screened for autism spectrum disorder at their 18– and 24-month well-child checkups, in addition to routine developmental surveillance. Research shows that starting an intervention program as soon as possible can improve outcomes for many children on the autism spectrum.

Remember

If you have concerns about how your child plays, learns, speaks, acts or moves, talk with your pediatrician. Remember, you know your child best and your concerns are important.

Together, you and your pediatrician will find the best way to help your child. Don’t wait. Acting early can make a big difference in your child’s development.

More Information

The 5 Easy Questions That Can Help Detect Autism

A baby brings hopes for a perfect life filled with baseball games, piano recitals, and tiny voices learning to say, “Mommy,” “Daddy, and, “I love you.”

Sometimes, though, those voices never come.

A child may appear to be developing normally but when it comes time for the child to speak, parents are met with silence or meaningless babble.

It might not even occur to a parent that his or her child isn’t speaking at an appropriate age level until the child spends time with peers at daycare, preschool, or even kindergarten and isn’t able to communicate.

According to the Autism Society, one in 54 children has a diagnosis of an Autism Spectrum Disorder, or ASD. About one in six children have some kind of speech delay or impairment.

Oftentimes, children aren’t diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder until age four or five, but the child may begin showing signs by the time he or she is two.

That can be scary news for a parent to receive, but it certainly doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with the child. It only means the parents will need to adjust their plans and expectations to include early intervention.

Think about that. There could be at least two to three years between showing signs of autism and receiving a diagnosis. That’s two to three years of therapy, at an age where early intervention can make a huge difference, that’s lost forever.

Hundreds of thousands of children go undiagnosed because parents and pediatricians don’t know what to look for, or because pediatric neurologists and clinical psychologists are non-existent in most of the world. But parents can easily take control and look for early signs, then begin therapy immediately while waiting for an official diagnosis and for other services.

Harvard University came up with a series of questions to help parents notice signs of early autism. These have been proven to be 93 percent accurate, though are not a replacement for an official diagnosis.

See the image below to view all of the questions and if you answer “no” to two or more of these questions, please seek advice from a licensed professional. In the meantime, you can start a home-based intervention program immediately with Gemiini.

Whether your child is eventually diagnosed with a form of autism or not, he or she will be miles ahead of children who haven’t had any home-based therapy or intervention. Autism Speaks says,

“There is no debate or doubt: early intervention is your child’s best hope for the future. Early attention to improving the core behavioral symptoms of autism will give your child – and the rest of the family – several important benefits that you will not gain if you take a wait-and-see approach until your child enters school at age four or five.”

Gemiini has been helping children of all abilities and at all age levels learn to speak. Used worldwide, the unique system has been proven over and over again to increase a child’s vocabulary and comprehension.

Perhaps most importantly, it’s helped countless parents hear the tiny voices of their children finally say, “I love you, Mommy.”

Answer the five questions at the end of this post, and if you answer “no” to two or more, begin early intervention right away. But first, here are some early warning signs of ASD.

Early Warning Signs: First Year

Even young infants are very social, so it’s possible to detect signs of autism in how babies interact with their world. At this age, a child with an ASD may:

  • Not turn to a mother’s voice
  • Not respond to his own name
  • Not look people in the eye
  • Have no babbling or pointing by age one
  • Not smile or respond to social cues from others

Babies who do not have autism can have these behaviors, too, but it’s best to contact your doctor right away with any concerns.

At 12 Months

  • A child with typical development will turn his head when he hears his name.
  • A child with ASD might not turn to look, even after his name is repeated several times, but will respond to other sounds.

At 18 Months

  • A child with delayed speech skills will point, gesture, or use facial expressions to make up for her lack of talking.
  • A child with ASD might make no attempt to compensate for delayed speech or might limit speech to parroting what is heard on TV or what she just heard.

At 24 Months

  • A child with typical development brings a picture to show his mother and shares his joy from it with her.
  • A child with ASD might bring her a bottle of bubbles to open, but he does not look at his mom’s face when she does or share in the pleasure of playing together.

ASD at any age might include the following signs:

  • Repeated motions (rocking or spinning)
  • Avoiding eye contact or physical touch
  • Delays in learning to talk
  • Repeating words or phrases (echolalia)
  • Getting upset by minor changes

It’s important to note that these signs can occur in children without ASDs, too.